I’LL BET PARK CHUNG HEE NEVER TORTURED SMALL ANIMALS!

12/20/11

Now that Kim Jong Eun has succeeded his father, Kim Jong Il, who in turn succeeded his father, Kim Il Sung, as tinhorn of North Korea, we are suddenly hearing all sorts of lurid stories about the 27 year old Mr. Kim, including reports in this morning’s (i.e., Tuesday, 12/20/11’s) Wall Street Journal that

senior intelligence analysts believe, for instance, that Kim Jong Eun “tortured small animals” when he was a youth.

Perhaps this latest scion of the Kim family is some kind of nutcake; after all, nutcakery is in his genes. But before we start swallowing whole the story that this guy is the kind of weirdo who is so unstable that he got his jollies torturing animals and therefore is likely to vaporize us with nuclear weapons unless we DO SOMETHING!!!!!, let’s pause and take a deep breath.

None of us is old enough, and few of us are sufficiently interested in history (“History, schmistory! When do the Kardashians come on?”), to remember the tales war hawks and/or Anglophiles of the early 20th century told us about the German forces of the Kaiser tossing Belgian babies in the air and then catching them on their bayonets which, of course, turned out to be complete fabrications. Most of us are old enough, but few of us are sufficiently interested in current events and politics (“Politics, schmolitics! When does ‘Two Men and A Boy’ come on? And have you seen that great, HIGHlarious new comedy, ‘Broke Girls’?”), to remember the tales spun by toadies of the Kuwaiti royal family of Iraqi soldiers ripping Kuwaiti children from incubators just for the sport of it, which, of course, also turned out to be utter fictions. Both lurid tales did their jobs; they persuaded gullible Americans to expend blood and treasure on battlefields in on which neither belonged.

But now Kim Jong Eun tortured small animals! And he might, just like Saddam Hussein, have weapons of mass destruction! Why, we better DO SOMETHING… BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!! WHAT…DO YOU WANT TO JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY DROP A BOMB ON US???? WHAT ARE YOU…CRAZY?