THE MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS

5/13/10

The Chicago Sun-Times reported in yesterday’s (i.e., Wednesday, 5/12/10’s) edition that Governor Pat “I know you’re an honorable man, Governor, above reproach, that your credentials as a reformer are impeccable and that you stand four square against the old time politics of this state, but I just gotta ask” Quinn has appointed Carrie Zalewski, the wife of State Representative, and former 23rd Ward Alderman, Mike Zalewski to a spot on something called the Illinois Pollution Control Board. Mrs. Zalewski was formerly something called a compliance attorney with the Illinois Department of Transportation, making $61,200 a year. Her new post will pay her $117,043 per year. The same story reports that our reform governor has appointed Lynne Sered, the wife of state Senator Jeff Schoenberg, to the post of Chairwoman of something called the Illinois Educational Labor Relations Board, a post that will pay Ms. Schoenberg $104,358 per year. (One can’t help but think that Carrie Zalewski’s having the same last name as her husband while Lynne Sered’s name differs from that of her husband reflects the stark cultural differences between the southwest side, where the Zalewskis reside and progressive Evanston, where the Mr. Schoenberg and Ms. Sered reside, but I digress.) Both appointments were confirmed overwhelmingly in the state senate, to the surprise of absolutely nobody.

To the observer jaded by having lived most of his life in the murky pond that is Chicago politics, or to the observer who is merely sentient, these appointments look like a blatant attempt on the part of Governor St. Patrick, who is starting to make the late, great Alderman Vito Manzullo look like Bob Lafollette (See, inter alia, my 3/26/10 post, IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE A GUY WANT TO CHANGE HIS NAME), to curry the favor of one big time Chicago pol and one big time Chicago pol wannabe. (I’ll let the reader determine which is which.) However, Mr. Zalewski, as he should, defends his wife’s appointment to her new position, arguing “She is well qualified to be a member of the Pollution Control Board, and, as a new mother, has a strong, personal passion for preventing environmental contamination and upholding the law.”

I don’t doubt for a nanosecond that Mrs. Zalewski is qualified to be a member of the Pollution Control Board, just as I do not doubt that Ms. Sered is qualified to be Chairwoman of the Illinois Educational Labor Relations Board. But I also do not doubt that anyone reading this post, and not because of the brilliance reflected in seeking out such insightful reading material, but merely because of the ability to read reflected in reading my, or anyone’s, musings, is qualified for either post. So the real question is not whether these people deserve their posts but whether these posts ought to exist. Just what in the name of all that is good and sacred are the Illinois Pollution Control Board and the Illinois Educational Relations Board? It seems like their only function is to fortify the incomes and influence of various political parasites that inhabit the halls of power in this cesspool of corruption we call a state.

Perhaps in fatter times, we could afford sinecures for the spouses, friends, supporters, coat-holders, toadies, hangers-on, and lackeys of our elected public servants in the land of Lincoln. (That we could afford such fluffy do nothing jobs did not make them desirable, only affordable, sort of like being able to afford a $1,000 suit or a $60,000 car.) But now that the state is in a financial crisis, born of the incompetence of the political class and an indifferent, or complicit, citizenry, we can’t afford such bureaucratic monstrosities. Other than those who hold the jobs, the sponsors of those who hold the jobs, and the constituent groups that receive the largesse such bureaus and departments were designed to ladle out, who would miss the Illinois Pollution Control Board, the Educational Labor Relations Board, or three quarters of the monstrosities that sap the livelihoods of those who do the actual work and pay the bills in this, or any, state?