“I’M A LUMBERJACK AND I’M OKAY…”

6/1/09

Today’s Chicago Sun-Times reports that a Mr. Willie Whitaker of the 11200 block of Lothair Avenue in the beautiful (too weak a word, I know) Morgan Park neighborhood on the south side of Chicago has, in the Chicago vernacular, pulled a Mr. T. Mr. Whitaker has cut down 15 trees on his property. One was at least 175 years old, judging from the rings on the stumps. Many, if not most, were of similar vintage. Mr. Whitaker’s backyard, which slopes toward the legendary Longwood Drive, was a point of pride and admiration in the neighborhood long before Mr. Whitaker lived there, as at least one reader of the Insightful Pontificator, who grew up on Mr. Whitaker’s block, can especially attest.

As one neighbor pointed out, “It’s such a shocking thing. It took 100 years for some of these trees to grow, and now they’re gone in ten minutes.” When confronted by reporters, Mr. Whitaker said “They’re my trees. They didn’t pay for the trees. My trees are going to be cut.” This statement was made, one must point out, after the trees had been cut.

Most people would describe Mr. Whitaker’s actions as obnoxious, and I, having grown up about a mile, as the crow flies, from what another neighbor described as that small forest in Mr. Whitaker’s backyard, a forest rendered especially unusual by its being situated in the city of Chicago on private property, would agree. Some would describe Mr. Whitaker’s Paul Bunyan imitation as tragic, but that is probably too strong a word, given the many genuinely ghastly tragedies being perpetrated every day throughout our troubled world. And, after all, as Mr. Whitaker points out, those are his trees.

Hmm…

Undoubtedly I am taking liberties here because I know nothing about Mr. Whitaker’s finances. But what if those are Mr. Whitaker’s trees in name only, and/or won’t be his trees much longer? Isn’t it possible that, given the state of the economy and the rampant loose lending that has had its way with the real estate market over the last several years, Mr. Whitaker might end up owning that house only for a very short time, that the house may very well end up in the hands of his lender in relatively short order? While his cutting down his trees would be offensive enough, both to the neighbors and to the environment, wouldn’t that travesty be compounded if it turns out that they were Mr. Whitaker trees for only a figurative heartbeat?

Or…

Another possibility comes to mind. What if Mr. Whitaker conducted this hideous stunt because the property would no longer be his? When some people learn that their property is about to go through foreclosure, they trash the place by committing all manner of unseemly, even dyspeptic, damage to the property, some of which is not appropriate for a family blog. But most of those sophomoric, albeit costly, high jinks are short lived, of little long term consequence. But cutting down trees that were on the property long before the woodsman wannabe lived there and would have been there long after he was forgotten, thereby eliminating a key selling point of the property? That would really stick it in the lenders’ collective eyes, and would give the figurative finger to all those neighbors who could actually afford their homes and genuinely enjoy living in the neighborhood, at least partially because of their proximity to such a wonderful patch of forest.

Again, I am probably overstepping here; for all I know, Mr. Whitaker could be an eccentric billionaire who simply hates forests and prefers the stark beauty of a chewed up lawn littered with stumps to the lush greenery of small private forest and, as a hobby, buys up properties to further his vision of bucolic beauty. Or he could simply suffer from allergies, as Mr. T. claimed when he performed his eponymous, and similar, dastardly deed in Lake Forest. Perhaps Mr. Whitaker’s action was perfectly innocent and is no reflection on either Mr. Whitaker’s character, neighborliness, or financial situation. But this one hits close to home, which makes it easier to imagine some rather nefarious motivations.